You’d think the galvanizing force behind an election might be the strong ethics of a candidate. His stance on the important issues of the day or the depth of his character. Perhaps you even might guess it the “anyone but that other guy” attitude might strengthen a core into voting a person into the highest office in the US.
Or it could be a seven foot tall yellow fowl.
After a performance that could be considered anemic by a twice dead Iggy Pop, POTUS Barack Obama was sent reeling from the first of three debates courtesy of Mitt “Zingers” Romney. The left in response has been shifting blame to Jim Lehrer, a man whose moderation of the debate could be compared to Lenin (dead, embalmed and horrifyingly put on display for the world).
Still, the left is rallying their party around the central Democratic tenets – the fuzzy logic of Mitt’s tax plans for America, his attack on Obama’s health care plan and of course, the tried and true barometer for the country, the Public Broadcast System. If you were to read anywhere on the internet Wednesday night (and God help you if you did), you’d see more comments, tweets, blog posts, and other assorted foofaraw complaining Mitt’s attack on PBS is the worst crime he’s committed since his failed audition for Mr. Fantastic in the last Fantastic Four movie.
In an attempt to see both sides of the crap pile we have to sort through to make an “informed” decision this November, I attempt to make sense out of Romney’s many qualms with the non-profit network.
Bearing a strikingly similar eyebrow line, Romney begins to question who his father might actually be…
- A lengthy copyright infringement case against Bob Villa that met with a bitter end as conservatives attempt to trademark Barbara Bush’s nickname “This Old House”.
- A confusion in the Republican party as fear of the “big red menace” leads many to question Clifford the Big Red Dog’s real intentions.
- Repeated episodes of Downton Abbey contributing to PTSD as high ranking leaders in the Republican party are reminded of battles they fought in the Revolutionary War against Britain.
- A continued admonishment from the network that “a jug band complete with washboard” still does not constitute classical orchestral music.
- Fears that adorable sidekick Snuffaluffagus’ lack of inclusion in the Bible is further proof of Satan’s involvement in disputing the 6,000 year Earth belief.
- An attempt to satisfy constituents who remark “Reading Rainbow? Sounds like one of dem dere gay liberry’s I pass by on mah way to the drive in liquor store” to say nothing of Kermit’s “Rainbow Connection”.
- Contrary to popular belief, no one believes Bert is secretly in a homosexual relationship with Ernie. That rubber duckie of his, though…
- Ghost Writer encouragement of America’s youth to constantly be writing is a bitter reminder of the lack of letters seniors are failing to receive , yet they never receive a single letter from one of their grandkids.
- 3-2-1 Contact’s “Bloodhound gang” is nothing more than another example of TV encouraging inner city kids towards violent streaks. Also, their mysteries were bullshit.
- Bob Ross painted happy little trees, hills, and lakes. Would it have killed him to create one painting with some dynamite fishing?
- Grover’s “Monster at the end of this book” really scared Paul Ryan when Romney read it to him before bed the previous week.
- Antique Road Show was another entitlement program by which those lazy 47% grandparents could sell their 1950′s porcelain candy dish and continue to suck at the teats of America