A lot of people have been asking where we’ve been for the past month-and-a-half (mostly debt-collectors). Well, Will and I were busy developing a sexy Secret Service shooter, but we couldn’t decide whether to call it Call Girl of Duty or Ass Effect (we were at least able to rule out Diablow, Grand Theft Autoerotic Asphyxiation and Mario Sex Party). After a period of heated debate, we agreed to begin working on the conservative horror game, President Evil, which will (zom)be available by November on CD-ROMney.
“Metal Gear” is Secret Service code for ‘dildo’.
Also, Newt Gingrich invited us on a trip to the moon. Along for the ride was Lance “Buzz” Armstrong, who plans to bike the moon, marketing a new line of bracelets, Dopestrong. Why is Gingrich so obsessed with Earth’s satellite? It turns out he’s anti-gravity. “It’s always holding us down,” he explained. We learned so much on what he would refer to as our “honeymoon.” For starters, the moon is neither made of cheese nor of moon pies. Secondly, despite what he promised us, the moon does not yet have wi-fi, which, as you can imagine, poses a problem at the moon Starbucks, because people on computers have a hard time pretending to be more productive than other patrons sitting in the coffee shop. To make matters worse, moon Starbucks was out of scones. They live like savages.
We – and by “we” we mean one of us – has a sister site. A totally hot sister site that we’ve been staring at way too often, NBA (B)All Day. Yes, it does cover pro hoops, but it’s about so much more: love, basketball, the 2000 Omar Epps film Love & Basketball. Ok, we’ll admit, it’s mostly an outlet for our seemingly, shall we say, Linfinite supply of Jeremy Lin puns.
Thanks for reading. We know it’s a struggle, since most of you never finished middle school (we too thought that the problem solving we’d be doing in Algebra would involve removing seaweed bikinis from mermaids). Remember: We’re what you get when you combine a think tank with a drunk tank, with a little Tank Girl thrown in for good measure.
