Turnip slip: A Northern Irish farmer who gave Rihanna permission to shoot a music video on his land asked her to leave after she took her top off. The only melons he was interesting in seeing were those he was harvesting.
The Hunger Gay-mes: In a recent interview actor Thomas Jane implied that when he was struggling to find work early in his career, he used to trade sexual favors with men for sandwiches. We think it’s best to leave the pastrami in the past. Reuben there, done that.
The irony would be if he used Tide: The man accused of poisoning trees on Auburn’s campus on behalf of University of Alabama supporters, apologized for his actions. Those at the school still think he’s the root of all evil.
Rock the vote: Presidential candidate Rick Perry has been facing accusations that his family rented a property with a racist name, which was also written on a stone on the grounds. It makes sense, since Perry has always been boulder than the rest of the Republicans running.
Putting the ‘strip’ in “comic strip”: Tom Wilson, the creator of the funny page’s Ziggy has died. To honor the character, we’re taking off our pants and heading to the nearest complaints counter.
Everybody hurts, especially their fans: After more than 30 years together, the band R.E.M. is breaking up. We can’t wait for Michael Stipe’s tell-all: Whiny, Unhappy People.
We don’t mean to of-fender: Jennifer Lopez is appearing in commercials for Italian car-maker Fiat, but the vehicle is nothing like her, since it has almost no trunk.
Justice is blind to prices: A report exposed that for a 2009 conference, the Department of Justice spent $16 each on 250 muffins. That’s an eye-poppying amount. Next time, buy the off-bran.
For who the dinner bell tolls: Texas has terminated last meal requests for death row inmates. From now on, the only thing fried will be the prisoners.
Bad Road Trip: Actor DJ Qualls claims he was beaten up by Vancouver police after he tried to stop a bar fight. This is the worst hit in Canada since Nickleback’s last song.
The birthday cookie is HTTP: Google turned 13 on Wednesday. Now that it’s become a man (at least in the eyes of its Jewish users), we were going to get it some dirty pictures, but it seems to already have a sizable stash of them.
Don’t have a cow: Tyson is recalling over 130,000 pounds of ground beef over contamination concerns. That’s a lot of chuck to chuck.
They were buzzed at the time: Tom Cruise and Tom Brady have trimmed their long locks. We at Concentrated Awesome have thinning hair, so we find their actions barber-ic.
Change your tone: Reebok is paying $25 million to settle a suit over claims its sneakers make calves and butts firmer. Nike encouraged customers of its competitor to take legal action, adopting the slogan: Just Sue It.
Blockbuster meet ball-buster: Netflix has announced separation of its and movies-by-mail and movies online services. Customers are doing less streaming and more screaming – until they’re blu-ray in the face.