Those who want a natural birth do it without a dock: Frankly, we find the whole anchor baby idea to be despicable. What kind of person uses an infant to keep a ship in place? Toddlers are much better equipped for the task (they’re heavier).

Yellow journalism: Not to sound all Seinfeldian, but what’s all the fuss about over Wikileaks? Why does the U.S. government perceive a site where users can add and edit their history of urination as a threat? (founder: R. Kelly)

Don’t data your students: University of South Alabama professor Peter Jonason has conducted a study on booty calls. To those that question his findings, Jonason contends his examination was extensive and that he was very anal about it.

It’s all Ben done before: Dan Quayle’s son Ben, in a TV ad about his candidacy for the House in Arizona, calls Barack Obama the “worst President in history.” Asked to elaborate, Quayle said, “Do you need me to spell it out for you? Worst. W-u-r-s-t.”

Finally, he can finish that load of laundry: A 2,200-year-old gold coin was unearthed in Israel this week by a team of researchers. Abe Vigoda has already laid claim to it and expressed hope that the group can also uncover the 2,200-year-old couch he lost it in.

A very cold case: The body of a famous retired French chef who had been missing for two years was found in the freezer of the apartment he shared with his girlfriend. Police plan to Zip-Lock her up.

We never thought there'd be a more popular Slater than A.C.

He didn’t hike the ball, just taxes: A Maryland politician who claimed to have been a member of the Dallas Cowboys was determined to be lying. Neither the team nor the league has any record of Michael Vaughn ever playing in the NFL. With his fib, Vaughn has truly taken fantasy football to another level.

She was Anistunned: Bill O’Reilly called Jennifer Aniston’s opinions “destructive to society,” after the actress commented that a father isn’t necessary to raise a family. Coincidentally, he used the same phrase to describe her movies.

Putting the ‘rot’ in “carrot”: For the third time since May, Fresh Express is recalling another line of bagged salads. We can’t believe the company lettuce down again.

Fly off the handle: JetBlue has not yet decided the fate of steward Steve Slater. Some speculate that the attention the airline has received is good for business, so the company might be willing to let Slater’s surly send-off slide. Not to diminish his rage-filled resignation, but we don’t think publicly swearing at people and swiping beers is all that uncommon. In fact, for us, it’s a lifestyle.

Scale model: Not long ago, Jessica Simpson gained a few pounds was given grief by the tabloids for being too fat. Now, she’s lost that weight and is being bashed for being too thin. At least she can take comfort in knowing she’ll never be criticized for being too talented.

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