Potato philosophy has taught us “I think, therefore I yam.” In truth, I’ve never know the difference between Descartes and a la carte*, which reveals that I’m more hungry for pudding than knowledge. My parents might not be proud, but at least Bill Cosby is (I assume all those strange noises and gibberish is his way of showing approval, although I suppose he could be having a stroke). Speaking of disappointing my folks, here are some more moronic musings.

*What I do possess a profound understanding of is Mario Kart — even the logic behind why someone would choose to play as Toad.

When I hear about Drake, I’ll always think of a snack cake, not a Canadian rapper (I’m more about Ring Dings than bling bling). Besides, there’s only room in my heart for one Canuck emcee and we can all figure out who that is without using an “Informer”: Snow.

Until recently, I thought Doctors Without Borders was a program where physicians help patients in countries so underprivileged, they don’t have bookstores (or even malls to build bookstores near; as a New Jersey native, I shudder to think of such a desolate place).

I also thought Full House was a sitcom about three guys who lost their wives in a high-stakes poker game and consequently had to care for a bunch of girls by themselves (tagline: if they didn’t raise the bet, they wouldn’t have had to raise the kids.)

Earlier this week, Sarah Palin said she though President Obama was “in over his head.” That’s a case of the pot calling the kettle black and unqualified.

Sure, double rainbows are cool, but they don’t compare to double Rambos (“what does it mean?!” millions at the box office).

Isn't it time we clone Stallone?

Even if you thought LeBron’s special was egocentric, at least we got a new euphemism for cunnilingus out of it: “Taking my talents to South Beach.”

The Situation is going to have a guest spot on Bones. That means it won’t be long until Snookie has a cameo on Seasame Street — presumably the only street she hasn’t done the walk of shame on — as the Snookie Monster, belting out a tribute to being trashed, “C is for cocktail, that’s good enough for me”(L is for Long Island, Long Island iced tea) and trying to tickle Elmo in places he’s not comfortable with.

Speaking of Bones, here are some other TV shows that sound like porn titles: The Big Bang Theory, Touched by an Angel, Leave it to Beaver, Three’s Company, Malcolm in the Middle, Different Strokes, Small Wonder, The Suite Life of Zack & Cody…wait, it’s not about two gay guys who go hotel hopping having anonymous sex?

A new study found that women who are at their fertile peak tend to buy more revealing clothes in order to attract a mate. The tactic’s effectiveness is in doubt . Some guys fallopian for it, but researchers caution that results may ovary.

Yes, Elena Kagan is qualified for the position, but if any woman should be appointed to the Supreme Court, it’s Diana Ross.

A nephew of singer John Legend accidentally broke the Grammy he won for 2005′s “Get Lfted. Inspired by the misfortune, he’s hard at work on a follow-up, “Get Lifted by the Seat of Your Pants and Spanked.” (or a movie, Legend of the Fall… from a Shelf)

“Ready or Not,” he he comes: Wyclef Jean just announced that he plans to run for President in Haiti. Experts agree that, should he win, this will set back the suffering country even more than the January earthquake.

Based on the last three jokes, you’d think I read nothing but Vibe. Well, for your information, I also subscribe to Cat Fancy.

We plan to give the site a face lift soon — and probably a boob job while we’re at it (for once, you’ll be asked to stare and also invite your friends to have a look).

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