More details are slowly being released about the controversial health care reform bill passed (though not as slowly as HMOs, or Horrible Medical Operations, consent to pay for your procedures). For instance, it will be illegal to keep your tonsils and abortions are mandatory. We’ve obtained a copy of the list of physicians citizens are approved to visit under President Obama’s legislation, so turn your head, cough and have a look:

Psychiatrists: Dr. Katz, Dr. Mindbender, Dr. Jekyll, Dr. Marvin Monroe

Homeopathic medicine: Dr. Quinn

Sports medicine: Doc Rivers, Doc Gooden, Dr. J, Dr. Dunkenstein (despite his name and profession, surprisingly not Jewish)

Limbs specialist: Dr. Octopus

Veterinarians: Dr. Doolittle, Dr. Zaius, Dr. Robotnik

Podiatrists: Doc Martens, Dr. Scholl’s

Family physician: Dr. Julius Hibbert (discount family physician/dietitian: Dr. Nick Riviera)

Pediatrician (by default of being a kid): Doogie Howser, M.D.

ENTs (ear, nose and throat): Dr. Horrible, Dr. Demento, Dr. Dre, The Spin Doctors

General practitioner: Rex Morgan, M.D.

Pharmacist: Dr. Feelgood

Dermatologist: Dr. Doom

Good news, everyone! Dr. Zoidberg didn't make the list.

The rest (please note that, like a Roomba or a condom, the doctors from this group are to be used at your own risk and have a good chance of doing nothing):

Doc Brown

Dr. Strangelove

Doc Hollywood

Dr. No

Dr. Wily

Dr. Moreau

Dr. Pepper

Dr. Evil

Doctor Who

Dr. Zhivago

This entry was posted on Thursday, July 8th, 2010 at 2:20 pm and is filed under fake news. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.