Like Pele, I have many goals (making outdated soccer references included). I’m a visionary entrepreneur brimming with exceptional ideas, like Thomas Edison or Larry Flynt.
I’d like to open a combination male strip club and psychic parlor, Crystal Balls.
I have plans for a clinic that helps patients cope with baldness, Hair Goes Nothing. If treatment fails, next door will be a wig store, Mane Attraction (if this fails, there’ll be hell toupee).
There’s my speedy veterinary service to spay and neuter pets, Quick Fix.
An amusement park for your eyes, See World (Slogan: We have long lines — of sight!).
I’ve got a series of self-help books for Indians in the works. First, one covering etiquette, Hindus and Don’ts. Then, the positive motivational primer, You Can Hindu It! Finally, the grammar guide, Comma Sutra.
The only drink they won't make you at Bobby Gindal's is a hurricane.
A game show where pro athletes answer questions or get tasered, Shock Jocks (hosted by Jeremy Shockey).
An all-night auto wheel-replacement shop, Tireless.
A furniture store, Sofa So Good.
A pub dedicated to the Governor of Louisiana, Bobby Gindal’s. And if that’s a hit, one for the former Gov. of Massachusetts, Vomitt Romney’s. Arnold ShotsofJager’s will likely never see the light of day.
An equine apparel retailer, Clotheshorse (Pony is one of the top brands).
My thorough history of the porn industry, the Dicktionary and its compendium, Thesoreass.
A reality show where B-List celebs train for a marathon, The Also-Rans (alternate title: The Less Than Amazing Race).
A tandem pharmacy and coffee bar, PillLates. Exercise crazes come and go, but people will always turn to medicine and caffeine.
A plumbing service, Pipe Down.
A shop of oddities, Buy Curious.
An upscale nightclub, Bar F.
A gym and copy center, Fit to Print.
A dietary supplement for followers of Islam, Muslim Fast.
