So, today is February 2nd, Groundhog Day. Originally invented in 1796, it was first started to commemorate Doc Brown’s failed attempt to travel back in time to arm wrestle Napoleon over the name of the famous dessert. Of course, while weight training to win said challenge, the good doctor’s fingers became far too pudgy to press the number keys correctly and was instead vaulted to the middle of Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania.
The Groundhog’s 2nd place finish in the Daytona 500 is sadly overlooked.
Upon arriving and having no opponent with which to do battle, he and Slimer from Ghostbusters had come too far just to turn back. Instead, they challenged the nearest rodents to a battle of Simon, the light up memorization game. Groundhogs, having been invented the previous year during the “Sinning Against Nature Fall Classic”, were the most naive and the first to accept the challenge. Having been bred to excel at ColecoVision, they were at first considered the heavy favorites. Unfortunately for them, the mix of flashing lights and sounds were too much, scaring them back into their holes.
In retaliation for this perceived slight and intoxicated from a mixture of steroids and horse grade tranquilizers, Doc Brown took it upon himself to release the radioactive core from his DeLorean’s Flux Capacitor, causing a small nuclear winter upon the Northeast. Later regretting his actions, he made a deal with Bill Murray (who is, in fact, an immortal highlander) to cover up the disaster.
The groundhog, for its cowardice, is assumed to have seen a shadow causing the winter that fell upon Pennsylvania. In return for his cooperation, Murray was given the lead roles in the movie Groundhog day and, with the help of Slimer, Ghostbusters. For his crimes against humanity, Doc Brown was given a full frontal lobotomy, which left him able to do little more than smack his forehead, yell “Great Scott!” and hilariously misunderstand 80’s slang about a situation being “heavy”.
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