Maturity As Measured by Method of Beer Consumption

A Concentrated Awesome time line that we were too trashed to turn into a traditional time line

Drink out of whatever container is available or has has been dared

Age 15-17

Drink from keg upside down

Age 18

Drink from keg standing on feet (usually due to being too fat or uncoordinated to stand on head)

Age 18

Beer: The cure for what ales you.

Drink from funnel

Age 18-19

Drink from colorful plastic cup

Age 19-20

Drink from side of can

Age 20

Drink from mouth of can

Age 21

Drink from a 40 oz. bottle duct-taped to hand

Age 21.5

Drink from 40 oz. bottle minus adhesives

Age 22

Drink from tacky mug of bar visited once while on vacation

Age 23

Drink from mug swiped from favorite local bar

Age 24

Drink from a normal-sized bottle

Age 25-30

Drink from breakable pilsner glass

Age 30-40

Drink from a beer stein (note: if you’re German, you’ve been drinking this way since age 2)

Age 40-75

Drink beer from sippy cup (don’t want to spill or get caught by nursing home attendants)

Age 75-end

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