The Fall TV lineup follows one simplistic line of thought: If a show is successful, why not create a spin-off? After all, audiences can never get enough of a mediocre thing, right? When “The Vampire Tweets” debuts next year (diaries are soo 20th century), don’t say you weren’t warned.

Frankly speaking, teen girls dont use diaries anymore.

Ass of Cakes. Reality show about the challenges of running an erotic bakery.

UpChuck. An everyman that the government experimented on who has the power to throw up on command. Call it a vom-com.

Jon and Kate Plus Hate. Focusing solely on the former couple’s tense relationship and not parenting troubles. After all, kids these days — what with their ipods and wiis — practically raise themselves.

So You Think You Can Dunce. Contestants compete to see who has the skills to sit silently in the corner of a classroom.

Condo. Due to a malpractice lawsuit and a pricey pill-popping habit, the doctor is forced to downsize his dwelling.

Really Mad Men. A period drama set in the 1960s about insane ad execs in a New York psych ward. When this group takes the Rorschach test, all they see are opportunities for sales. Smoking in a straight jacket never looked so stylish.

Alternative show: Madison Men. These guys have traded in life in the big city for greener pastures, literally. Watch as they put the ‘sin’ in “Wisconsin.” These cool characters are out to prove you can eat  big cheese and still be the big cheese.

Flowers (aka Petal Pusher). In this dark comedy, a struggling suburban widow decides to earn money operating a greenhouse on her property, which upsets some local florists.

Found. Stranded strangers band together after an Iowa bus crash in a drama where everything is easy to follow and makes perfect sense, because in the Midwest, foreshadowing and symbolism don’t exist.

String Theory. An intellectual comedy, both quirky and quark-y, for an advanced audience that wants to move beyond the big bang.

The Goulash. McHale gives way to Mikail, as Russian reality TV stars are mocked Moscow-style (i.e. throwing cabbage, insulting their ushanka, chess-related “your momma” jokes). It’s commie-dy at its finest.

Sasha Grey’s Anatomy. While their wives watch the weepy medical drama, men will occupy themselves by boning up on the body of this porn star — on TV instead of the internet, for a change.

Mainstream. Instead of investigating paranormal activity and scientific anomalies, this special government branch examines commonplace occurrences, such as why the dryer manages to lose socks regularly (is there a pattern?) and how that cat got stuck up Mrs. Johnson’s oak tree (probably a mutant, with ram and gorilla DNA).

J/K. A tween comedy about crime-solving boy who helps the police solve cases by claiming he can read minds, but — just kidding! — the only ability he has is to text rapidly (Tagline: Every hero needs a sidekick. His is a Sidekick.).

Parking and Wrecks. Comedies about mall cops were all the rage on the big screen, so TV will tackle the life of a smug traffic cop who consorts with employees in a nearby parking deck. You’ve got the green light…to laugh!

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