Bollywood actor Shah Rukh Khan was held for questioning after landing in Newark, N.J. ( because Indian people are seldom seen in the garden state), by airport security. Khan was eventually released, but only after he wowed security forces with a grand song and dance routine (Bill Clinton was going to intervene until he learned Khan was a male Bollywood star). Concentrated Awesome has obtained the lyrics to that tune.
These security guards
Are a bunch of retards
How dare they abuse their authority?
By comparison, I’m the less suspicious-looking minority!
Not a one recognized my name
And so I was detained
Though I’m bigger than Cruise, Pitt and Bale
Next time, he’ll fly Khan Air.
They thought about throwing me in jail
Their excuse was “We must serve and protect”
Sure, and cricket is just an insect!
For an hour, they kept me cuffed
And searched through my private stuff
They tore apart my suitcase
And squeezed out all my toothpaste
Under threats of harm I confessed
To liking Colgate more than Crest.
After my long international journey
I didn’t except to need an attorney
It’s only natural I got pissed
When their first question was, “Are you a terrorist?”
And I found that insulting and weird
Until they asked where I was hiding my beard.
Then, when I said I was famous
They stuck a hand up my anus
In my country, I get praised
While in America, I get tased
I can’t wait to return to Mumbai
It’s sure beats having a flashlight shined in your eye.
The way I’ve been treated is absurd
I will make my voice heard
At customs, I plan to declare
Even if it causes people to stop and stare
It’s strange that Wendy’s hamburgers are square
(yes, I eat cow and what’s it to you?/ I’m Muslim, not Hindu)
And also this country isn’t fair
Did I mention they confiscated my underwear?
I may be India’s Marlon Brando
But that doesn’t mean I enjoy going commando!
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