Bill Clinton returned from a successful diplomatic trip to North Korea, which resulted in the release of two captured journalists. Here are some things he learned during his visit.

“Kim” is not just a girl’s name (Clinton packed his silk boxers for nothing).

The Korean BBQ in D.C. is actually better.

Pyongyang does not have a sister city called “Pyongyin.”

Jong-il believes Super Mario World is a secret piece of land owned by the Japanese. He is also concerned about what a Sonic Hedgehog is capable of.

By all accounts, the dictator is il-tempered.

Just like in the U.S., the north largely ignores the south while silently judging it as inferior.

Bringing a Lil’ Kim album and a “Failure to Launch” DVD as gag gifts was a bad idea.  Turns out, Jong-il hates rap and Matthew McConaughey (he may be mad, but he’s got taste).

Light running is the only form of exercise allowed. All Koreans must refer to it as “Jongging.”

Jong-il wears sunglasses so often because he’s had his eyes modified to be able to shoot laser beams.

The Koreans lack the proper technology to start a nuclear weapons program. They can’t even get their VCRs to stop flashing “12:00.” Clinton had to set the time on Jong-il’s. The dictator was so happy that he could record “The Real Housewives of New Jersey,” he set the prisoners free.

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