You could say 50 Cent has a nose for business. The rapper is planning to launch his own cologne (so it’s perfume, not Perignon, that he was urging us to open in “Crack a Bottle”), called “Power.” To push the product, he can’t go Calvin Klein post-modern or Polo preppy, he has to blend keeping it real with classy. Here’s an ad we think will work:
50's career is headed down the eau de toilette
Fellas, are you tired of having stankonia? Has ridin’ dirty become too literal? Are you funky in a bad way? Did Diddy’s scent I Am King make you smell more like a peasant than royalty? Introducing Power, a desperate attempt by an increasingly irrelevant figure in hip-hop, er, I mean a bold new fragrance from me, 50 Cent. A pungent aroma, with hints of freshly shot flesh and essence of imported cannabis, mixed with sweat from musty gyms and grimey alleys, plus drops of my leftover VitaminWater flavor, which isn’t selling so well now that they’ve got non-threating celebrity endorsers like Dwight Howard (he may play for the Magic, but I got the magic stick, dammit). Power, a name so bland and arrogant that I had my lawyers double-check that Donald Trump never had a scent with the same title (his was eponymous, the conceited cracker). Power, the best way to smell good in the hood. Available at only the finest retailers and street corners. Purchase now and receive a free duffel bag (laundered money, handgun and rolling papers not included).
Warning: May make you irresistible to bitches and bullets.
