At work, we’ve got our annual game of kickball coming up in a week. Now, I don’t want to say that the Blue team (my team, of course) is the greatest thing since sliced bread…because we invented sliced bread on a coffee breaks one Tuesday, but whatever, no biggie. I just want to make sure we all know who is vastly superior, and so that all those in attendance may know which team to properly root for. Here now, a helpful guide to better know your kickball teams:
The White team originally gave Biff the Sports Almanac for the last 50 years so that he could make his fortune. The Blue team was able to undo this, as each of us is capable of running 88mph and generating 1.21 gigawatts of power.
The White team will intentionally yell out the wrong answer during “Blue’s Clues” just to spite us.
I can’t promise I won’t bring a giant broadsword to the game
Twenty-five years ago, the White team, through a series of dark rituals involving the Keymaster and the Gatekeeper, summoned Gozer the Gozerian. Fortunately, the Blue team knows how to destroy 50 ft. Marshmallow men and isn’t afraid to cross the streams. Fun fact: The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is white. Coincidence?
The White team killed Dumbledore, are collectively Luke’s father, and stole the idol from Indiana Jones without giving him back his whip. The Blue team, on the other hand, founded The Order of the Phoenix, made the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs, and knows the location of the Ark of the Convenant.
The Blue team taught Michael Jackson the Moonwalk. The White team popularized The Macarena.
The White team steals one white sock from every load of laundry as their “duly appointed tuppence for rights to the use of monochromatic fibers”.
The Blue team wrote the Creative Commons license and freely encourages fair use. The White Team belongs to the RIAA and sued your grandmother for downloading “Ain’t nuttin’ but a G-Thang”.
The Blue team taught Chuck Norris how to roundhouse kick. The White team tried to steal his beard “in order to learn his secrets”.
The Blue team is a baaaad mutha (Shut yo’ mouth!) But I’m talking about Blue! (Then we can dig it). The White team doesn’t get this “Shaft” reference.
At least one member of the Blue Team is “Concentrated Awesome”. Members of the White team wish to create “Diluted Awesome” because they don’t believe you’re cool enough to handle it in any condensed form.
The Blue team would give me a raise after reading this if they could. My direct boss is on White and will most likely fire me promptly afterward.
July 18th, 2009 at 10:36 am
You’re my boy, blue! I’m really pulling for you in kickball, it’s your best chance to reach second base in months.
The White team not only hasn’t seen “Shaft,” but tries to give everyone the shaft. Don’t settle for any of their “watered-down awesome.” It contains Splenda, which should tell you how horrible the White team truly is.