There is no emoticon for what I’m feeling!

Google goes down, nerds fly into blogging rage

A chunk of the internet was left questioning why the hell we should bother to sit in front of the computer all day when Google left a large portion of the world without service early Thursday. Of course, being fat and impotent from years of sitting in front of said computer left them far too lethargic to even contemplate outside activities of any sort.

For those keeping score, the aftershocks of the Googlequake were wide felt, with a long list of casualties:

Two million exclamation points were added to the ends of sentences from frustrated forum trolls wondering how an internet company as large as Google, with hundreds of thousands of computers and millions of lines of code to manage, could allow them to be without one search engine and a few apps for several hours.

The sense of Irony was momentarily stunned following these posts, as said mouth breathers were incapable of such simple tasks as basic human interaction, showering, or the ability to dress themselves. After the interruption in Irony, Grammar itself was suspended as it was unable to process the lack of coherency in said forums. The Caps Lock key is still in critical condition.

$372 million USD were unfortunately lost as the entire country of Nigeria fails to transfer money out, unable to secure advance fees, despite repeated email requests from several princes and doctors that could not reach their Gmail destinations. Similarly, the market for “Peniss pill-z” and “lov3 m@king better” drugs crashed, as online pharmacies had no outbound source for communication. Countless pythons went tragically flaccid this evening.

Twitter was inundated with the same three tweets echoing endlessly:

1. Is Google down for you??? What do we do!? #googlefail #endoftimes
2. n00bs don’t even know how to google, werks 4 me. #grandmafail
3. OMFG I just ate a sandwich, someone pay attention to me! #narcissism

Bill Gates was heard to be laughing maniacally throughout the day, cackling “Dance, puppets, DANCE!”.

The four horsemen released a statement saying “Not our work, though imitation is the best form of flattery. Kudos!”.

Attempts were made to contact Skynet, asking if it were cross-promotion for Terminator: Salvation, but could not be reached for comment.

This entry was posted on Friday, May 15th, 2009 at 6:49 am and is filed under headlines. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.