Putting the ‘Penn’ in 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., Barack Obama has hired Indian-American actor Kal Penn as a public liason. As if there wasn’t enough star power at that address already. Here are some other ways that the President has gone Hollywood.
All mirrors on the premises now reflect only his own image.
Penn is mightier: The TV doc takes House calls.
Hired a celebrity candy consultant to pick out all the non-green M&M’s, boxer “Sugar” Shane Mosley (it’s a sweet job).
Plans to give the Oval Office many more corners, turning it into the Octagonal Office.
Renamed his cabinet the “Presidential Posse.”
Will give all future press conferences and interviews wearing designer sunglasses, Kim Jong-il style.
Chicago Cubs home games will be played on the back lawn of the White House.
Will personally distribute bailouts to auto makers by going to CEOs offices and throwing money into the air, thus showing he’s the man with the power to “make it rain.”
Intends to bully and belittle Canada by calling it “Cold America,” while referring to Mexico as ”Hot America.”
Is forcing his new puppy to join the Church of Scientology.
Has ordered impressionist Fred Armisen to stand in for him at the ”really boring” summits (who wants to be at a NATO meeting when they could be napping?).
Is working on an album of Obama-related covers, tentatively titled, “Barack Around the Clock.” Confirmed songs include ”Barack You Like a Hurricane” and “Barack the Casbah.”
Employing a team of astronomers, headed by omnipresent Neil deGrasse Tyson, to test the theory that the Earth actually revolves around him and not the Sun.
