Newspapers have been taking a nosedive for while now, particularly last year, right around the time we kicked off this blog. Some will say that’s coincidence, but it’s pretty obvious to us. Clearly, we’ve become so huge that we’re killing print media. We’d like to formally apologize for this and, while we’re at it, we’d like to get a few more things off our chests we hold ourselves responsible for:

President Grimace will eat your children

• Landing Isiah Thomas a job with the Knicks. We talked it over with Knicks management and thought it would be hilarious. We’re not good drunks after our 7th malibu bay breeze
• For a brief period in the summer of ’76, stealing the funk from James Brown. We also chipped it after misinterpreting “dropping a funky beat”. We also made it too hot in the hot tub
• The following asinine words: staycation, television event, blogosphere, Ann Coulter
• Staten Island. We thought Manhattan needed an inbred cousin, but it turned into THAT cousin’s inbred cousin
• Every Duke win ever. We lost a bet with Satan. Who knew Bea Arthur could fit THAT many ping pong balls…ahem
• The previous imagery of Bea Arthur and ping pong balls
• Giving the Trix rabbit a bowl of trix and sending him into a suicidal spiral after the realization they did not live up to his expectations. Tony the Tiger did give a moving eulogy, though. Wish Captain Crunch hadn’t gotten so drunk half way through and took his pants off. Moving on.
• The confusion over the verbial form of Twitter. It’s not tweeting, twittering, or twitting, but actually flooergenhoerfen. It’s Swedish.
• Sleeping with Mary Kate when we were dating Ashley Olsen. Ok, we’re not sorry about that, it was totally sweet.
• Installing the puppet regime of Mayor McCheese over McDonald land. Grimace had actually won the popular vote, but his radical, socialist thinking could only lead to more fry kids dropping out of school and Birdie selling it on the streets.
• Attempts at world domination from: alien ant overlords, body snatchers, pod people, lizard men, mole men, and the Rand corporation in conjunction with the saucer people under the supervision of reverse vampires
• Rewriting the laws of physics so your toast always lands butter side down
• Another blog post consisting of an obscure, nonsensical and bizarre list

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