Abraham Lincoln is attending a play (hope it’s got some action).
Adolph Hilter is invading Poland (you can’t spell “Warsaw” without ‘War’).
Martin Luther King Jr. dreams in black and white.
Al Gore is inventing the internet (porn industry, you’ll thank me someday).
O.J. Simpson is finding the real killer (right after he gets in a quick 9 holes).
Paul Revere is on a midnight ride…this time, it’s to the general store (the misses ran out of milk and eggs).
Alexander Graham Bell is making a few calls. Wasssup, Watson!
Lorena Bobbit is sharpening her best knife.
John Hancock is signing a document.
Bobby Jindal is grocery shopping with his father. Aisle be awhile (get it?).
Albert Einstein thinks it’s all relative.
William Shakespeare is comparing thee to a summer’s day, though thou art making me “spring,” saucy wenches (will swap sonnets for sex).
Shakespeare is looking for a lusty lady to tame his shrew.
Rod Blagojevich is the new Monty Hall (let’s make a deal, motherfucker!).
Anne Frank is hiding (shhhh!).
Charles Darwin is evolving…slowly.
Sigmund Freud is really curious to know more about your mother.
Meriwether Lewis is headed west with his bff, William Clark. Trail trip!
Larry Craig is a big fan of George Michaels — and not just his music;)
Marie Curie is in need of a safer work environment.
Lou Gehrig is sick, but can’t figure out what he has:(
Neil Armstrong is on the moon (suck it, Soviet Union!!).
Christopher Columbus is sailing a new route to India, where the people he meets will be Indians, dammit.
Benjamin Franklin is flying a kite, even though it’s stormy.
Monica Lewinsky is never wearing that dress again.
Mahatma Gandhi is starving!!
Issac Newton isn’t sure why fruit keeps falling on his head (stupid apple tree).
Jane Goodall is starting to ape the behavior of those around her.
Rosa Parks is taking a stand…by remaining seated.
Alberto Gonzalez is experiencing amensia ; )
Howard Dean is Wooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!
Alex Rodriguez is training really, really hard with help from his cousin 
Jerry Seinfeld is wondering what the deal is with updating everyone as to what you’re doing at a given time. Facebook? I see faces, I get that part, but how is this a book? It doesn’t have any chapters, you can’t thumb through pages – I like to dog-ear mine — and there’s no story! They should call it “Facediary” or “Faceplanner.”
Eminem is *chicka-chicka* Slim Shady.
Barack Obama is walking on water, turning it into wine, drinking it, then fixing the economy.
Rene Descartes posts…therefore, he is.
