VH1 has hit ratings paydirt with a seemingly endless line of reality programs about C-level celebs and the beyond desperate, unhinged pools of women willing to humiliate themselves and set back gender equality centuries by competing for the affections of stars so undistinguished and forgotten they wouldn’t be invited to the Spike TV Video Game Awards. CA can only assume the network will keep churning out more of this dreck, so you can expect to see any number of these spin-offs down the road:
The Rock’s a master of the eyebrow, not the highbrow.
The Rock of Love. The former wrestler-turned-actor is now grappling with matters of the heart. Succeed and you just may get to feel his Rock Bottom. Ladies, here’s “The Rundown”: to impress him, you’ll need to both ”Get Smart” and “Be Cool” (“Walking Tall” is not required). Challenges include a blindfolded culinary quiz to see if contestants can really smell what The Rock is cooking and sitting through a viewing of “Southland Tales.” Tagline: Get The Rock you’ve always wanted.
Clock of Love. The timepiece around Flava Flav’s neck needs lovin’, too. Ladies, not only will you be treated like an object, you’ll be with one. Tagline: Some really appreciate an hourglass figure.
Iraq of Love. A studly soldier is eager to trade in tanks for skanks. The gals can hardly Kuwait to help him, as they plan for permanent occupation of his heart. Only one will get to exclaim “Mission Accomplished!” Tagline: Who’s your Baghdaddy?
For the Love of Ray Ban. A sunglass seller seeks a soulmate. Qualifications: Must enjoy UV, not have VD. Tagline: All’s Wayfarer in love.
A Bridge to Favre. A far more famous Brett lands his own show. Favre has just ended a long-term relationship with John Madden and he’s ready to get back in the game — the dating game. Female football fans, this is your chance to gun for the gunslinger. He knows X’s and O’s, but it’s up to you to teach him XOXOs. Tagline: Go on, make a pass.
