There are many movies in theatres at the moment, so it can be difficult deciding what’s worth watching. Here’s a guide to what’s currently playing with a short summary of each film.

Carey's performance is a must si, not a must-see.

Yes Man:  Jim Carrey can’t say no…to making lazy, one-note comedies.

The Day the Earth Stood Still: About when Keanu Reeves recieved his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Bedtime Stories: Acting on a bet, Adam Sandler wears more than one pair of clothes on screen for the first time in a movie. Then, for no reason, he sings a song rhyming “costume” with “bazooms.”

Valkyrie: Tom Cruise tries to kill Hitler, but he’s wearing an eyepatch, so depth-perception is an issue. Mission: Imperfect.

The Tale of Despereaux: For those who felt Ratatouille wasn’t French enough (though it won’t make a ro-dent in that film’s gross).

Seven Pounds: Will Smith is a wealthy man who tries to attone for his mistakes. Saying sorry for starring in another somber movie would be a good start.

The Spirit: The truth, in black and white, is that this is Sin City lite. And that we’ve scraped the bottom of the barrel for comic book adaptations.

Bolt: As in, Bolt the door, honey, before we’re forced to take the kids to another animated pooch flick.

Grand Torino: A crusty Clint Eastwood learns to dislike Asians a little less than he hates everyone else.

Milk is remaining true to its name by appearing in 2% of theatres.

Milk: Harvey Milk did the body politic good, but someone else decided the activist’s expiration date.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: Like most Hollywod stars, Brad Pitt longs to reverse the aging process.

Marley and Me: Jennifer Aniston tries to train a shaggy rascal, Owen Wilson, and instead settles for puppy love, decent box office returns.

Revolutionary Road: Bored, affluent white people in the ’50s packed their bags for Paris to escape the drudgery of life. Nowadays, they travel to the local art house cinema.

Frost/Nixon: Long-lost limericks by poet Robert Frost about the polarizing 37th President (sample: There once was a man named Nixon/whose career needed a lot of fixing/the scandal of Watergate/sealed his grim fate/and his enemies got their licks in.

Twilight: Vampires who’d rather babble than bite. Way to suck the fun out of these carnivorous creatures.

Craigspissed: This Bond is knot happy.

Doubt: How much time should a priest spend socially with an altar boy? According to one Sister, nun. A touching story. Or not.

Slumdog Millionaire: In India, the equivalent of the game show “Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?” is “Are You Smarter Than a BioChemical Engineer?” The prize for winning is getting to keep your PhD.

Quantum of Solace: If James Bond doesn’t cheer up, his next adventure will be titled “Dosage of Prozac.”

Mall Cop: About the job Kevin James is two flops away from having.

Notorious: If you’ve seen other rapper biopics, this one will be a B.I.G. waste of your time.

This entry was posted on Friday, January 16th, 2009 at 12:46 pm and is filed under headlines. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.