I think I’ve finally become that grizzled introverted recluse that would make J.D. Salinger look like Paris Hilton. Christmas music, blasting since Halloween, has officially ruined what spirit I usually manage to muster during December. Why can’t we play some halfway decent songs in stores these days? I don’t want to crap all over other people’s holiday season, but we really need a better class of songs.
That’s not to say there aren’t classic. With that in mind, quick run down of a few songs that need to be heard more often:
1) Elvis Presley – Merry Christmas, Baby
Starting off slow, but strong. He’s the King, after all.
2) Jonathan Coulton – Chiron Beta Prime
I don’t know how you celebrate Christmas without all powerful robotic overlords
3) Bruce Springsteen – Santa Claus is Coming to Town
If the Boss told you there’s a Santa Claus, you better fucking believe in Santa Claus.
4) Ben Folds – Bizarre Christmas Incident
Sorry Timmy, Santa’s dead in our chimney. If you hadn’t asked for those Pokemon cards, he might still be alive.
5) Frank Sinatra – Dreaming of a White Christmas
I didn’t want this on the list, as it is well worn, but Sinatra’s ghost visited me, along with Dino and Bing Crosby to show me the true meaning of being drunk at Christmas. Plus, he threatened me with his mob ties.
6) Adam Sandler – Chanukah Song
Fuck you hipster snobs, I don’t care if it was made into a shitty cartoon, you sang this song in the 90′s like the rest of us.
7) The Flaming Lips – Christmas at the Zoo
There, made it up to you guys, start jerking off to Wayne Coyne.
Sufjan Stevens – Put the Lights On The Tree
One you can probably sneak past your folks as well, but has some kinda goofy charm.
9) Jimi Hendrix – Little Drummer Boy
Electric guitars aren’t on enough Christmas albums, and who better than Jimi?
10) Weird Al Yankovic – The Night Santa Went Crazy
The sooner kids realize Santa is a psychotic violent man, the better.
Now’s your chance to tell me how much this list sucks and what songs I’m retarded for leaving out. Go.
