9:04 – According to McCain, we’re angry, said it 4 times within 10 seconds. Kinda happens when you’re…ya know, poor.

9:09 – At this point I’m hoping one of the questions is “raise your hand if you want to be president. Oh, sorry John, just kidding”

9:10 – We keep talking about Joe the plumber and his small business. I’d rather hear from Mario the plumber. “Senator Obama, what will you do about the Koopa problem?”

Living (poor) in America

9:11 – Noticed McCain isn’t wearing a flag pin again. I was hoping he’d come into the debate Apollo Creed style, dressed head to toe in stars ‘n stripes, disappointed.

9:13 – We’ve been talking about Joe the plumber for the last 5 minutes. What about Sapphire the stripper. “How am I supposed to afford cosmetic surgery? I had to go half way, one boob is a DD cup, the other is only an A! I can’t even afford my nightly bath in glitter and crappy perfume!”

9:14 – Schieffer : “Aren’t you both ignoring reality?” I thought that was the point of politics

9:15 – Haven’t heard Maverick yet. There are some sober people in the country who are not happy. What are you going to do for the drunk degenerates who need a reason to drink?

9:17 – “I’d get out a hatchet, then a scalpel”. Apparently McCain is today’s answer for Daniel Boone.

9:18 – New drinking game, count how many wrinkles appear in McCain’s face when he smiles. First one to lose count does a shot. Everyone will be eff’d up.

9:20 – At what point does Obama lay down, fall asleep and say “Ya know what? fuck it, I’m up 10-12 points. Wake me when it’s time for me to be sworn in”

9:23 – Obama on McCain’s attack over his voting on tax hikes: “Even fox news disputes it”. But don’t forget people, he’s still a terrorist. Remember the issues.

Wake me when I’ve won, Hillary

9:24 – McCain: “scars to prove it”. Drink!

9:25 – Schieffer’s got some balls. Reminds me of that scene in Goodfellas where Spider (Chrissy from The Sopranos) tells joe pesci “Why don’t you go fuck yourself, Tommy” and then DeNiro responds “Whoa! I don’t believe what I’m hearing. This kid’s got a lotta fuckin’ balls! Hey Spider, this is for you”. At what point does Obama whip out a gun and take him out? Expect Schieffer to mysteriously disappear

9:26 – Gotta give McCain credit, he’s playing the victim of segregation against a black man. Let’s all take a minute to feel sorry for all old white men around the nation who have suffered for so many years. For shame, minorities and women.

9:30 – McCain:”As I watched the Cardinals defeat the Dallas Cowboys”. I had romo on my fantasy team and lost this week. Go fuck yourself, McCain.

9:32 – Obama: “All we see is a tit for tat”. Tomorrow’s headlines: “Barack talks about titties at last night’s debate”

9:33 – McCain on some shouting slurs at his rallies: “Whenever you have a rally of 10-20,000 people, you’re going to have some fringe people”. Ohhh you silly racists. You’re just the icing on the cake that is a GOP rally! Thanks for clearing that one up, John

9:37 – Obama: “I associate myself on economic policies with Warren Buffet”. And when I need the advice of radical bombers I contact Ayers. Wait, lemme strike that one.

9:40 – Schieffer on personal attacks: “we may want to get back into this”. Schieffer is officially the guy who starts girl fights, then throws the jello on them and calls over his buddies. Nice one, Bobby.

9:42 – McCain on Palin: “She cut spending, big government, solved energy crises” Then she stopped Lex Luthor and flew around the world turning back time to save Lois Lane! Why stop there, John?

9:43 – McCain – Palin “understands special needs families”. Yes, vote McCain/Palin, the mentally challenged love us!

9:47 – Obama on reducing foreign oil: “Well, as the second coming, I will turn corn oil into crude oil! Blessed are you, Bob Schieffer”

9:48 – Still no “maverick”. We might have a small riot at every frat in America.

9:49 – Obama: “mortgaging our children’s future” – Knowing most of the kids I grew up with, that’s a helluva subprime mortgage right there.

9:52 – McCain : “Obama, who has never travelled south of the border”. I want to see that in quotes, “maybe you oughta travel down there“. See that? Vote Republican, Obama does not “return the favor” ladies.

9:54 – Obama: “Automakers are getting hammered”. Drunks are grimacing, angry they aren’t getting hammered too

9:55 – McCain just tied in Obama hating free trade, pre-condition talks, being involved with terrorists, and then finished up with his wanting to raise taxes, all within a 30 second window! Well done.

9:56 – Moving on to healthcare. Certainly the nation’s livers are safe. Lame night for drinking games.

10:03 – Obama is going off on healthcare stuff. McCain, wink at the camera! It worked for Sarah.

10:04 – McCain calls Obama “Senator government”. That sounds like the worst fake presidential name ever. Here’s hoping “The Governator” busts through a wall and challenges Obama to a fight over nicknames.

10:06 – Still no Ah-nuld. Effin’ disappointed.

10:08 – abortion stuff. Booooo. Total buzzkill. Going to look up pictures of Palin

10:11 – Theeere we go. Debate? where?

10:14 – Noticed McCain keeps huffing into his mic and breathing heavy. Way to go McCain, you’ve just creeped out every woman in America. That 3 A.M. call has a whole different meeting now

10:15 – Education is our last question. Really? Where’s the steel cage death match?

10:16 – More heavy breathing. I’ve stopped listening to answers and am now distracted as I look over my shoulders ever 5 seconds. All lights in the apartment are turned on and I have a baseball bat.

10:18 – Obama: “Going to put away the video games”. WHOA WHOA WHOA! Slow down there Captain Gestapo! Already missing the abortion talk. McCain, earn my vote, drop a Zelda reference. “I hold the triforce of courage, Sarah the triforce of wisdom and we will take out Al-Qaeda who possess the triforce of power!”

10:19 – McCain: “Worst schools are getting the most money” See? The stupid really are expensive.

10:21 – I don’t feel like I’m McCain’s friend, has yet to say it once. It’s so cold. I’m so lonely…Hold me, John?

10:25 – McCain: “Most expensive education in the world is in America”. So if the stupid are expensive…and America has the most expensive education…uh oh.

10:27 – Final statements: McCain: “my friends” YES! Ohhh John, I knew you wouldn’t let me down…cmon, gimme a maverick now…and fails. Disappointing.

10:28 – Obama : “worst eco crisis” “worst policies of last 8 years”, “not going to be quick and easy”, “spirit of sacrifice, service, responsibility” Way to be a downer, Senator Government.

10:31 – As they shake hands, McCain gives a reaaaally enthusiastic “good job”. Apparently Obama has even won over McCain.

Final thoughts – Brian Williams: Joe the plumber replaces Joe Six pack. Can we get them in a fight? Wives didn’t say hello, says Brokaw. Cat fight, anyone? Clearly I just want to see someone get fucked up.

And in a short interview with Romney and Clinton:
Romney – Obama “Doesn’t keep America America“. Why doesn’t he just call him the anti-christ and get it over with? “And with him the 7th seal will open, releasing rivers of blood and plagues of locusts upon the land! Your first born will be slaughtered and feasted upon by the Democrats”

Williams to Clinton – “What was it like for you in the arena?” That’s right, Williams, poke the bear with the sharp stick. Shame she doesn’t bite, though.
Clinton – “It was amazing seeing Jesus himself, reincarnated as a black man, in front of us. The second coming will see us paving the streets with gold and rising up into the rapture as the Republicans gnash their teeth in anguish”.

Glad we had those two, that was certainly well balanced and informative.

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