Who will Barack Obama pick as his running mate? It’s a question in dire need of an answer. The list of acceptable candidates is growing slimmer by the day, with John Edwards divulging his affair with a staffer and Hillary still far too bitter over her loss. Concentrated Awesome has found a true outsider with much Acclaim, who’s prepared to play the often dirty political game and engage in vicious Kombat in order to win: Baraka.
Putting the ‘pain’ in “campaign”: He’ll insure a flawless victory come November.
Here are his credentials:
Clawed his way to the top, literally.
He’s ruled Outworld — doesn’t that qualify him to nearly run the country?
McCain may be a decorated veteran, but Baraka’s fought for his realm and his soul.
History-making choice. Would be the first crossbred mutant marauder warrior to assume the position. His strikingly alien background would distract from Barack’s own other-ness.
Can’t be any scarier or more evil than Cheney (he won’t shoot people in the face, though he’ll probably decapitate a few folks, which will show he’s tough on national security).
Will work to restart and follow-through on the “Vote or Die” campaign.
Plans to appoint old acquaintance Sub-Zero as head of the EPA to stave off global warming.
Has zero familiarity with our nation’s laws, the structure of the government or the boundaries of the office and has no plans to learn them (it served the current administration well)
If Baraka declines, there’s a substitute colleague waiting in the wings who Obama only has to alter his slogan slightly for: Change we, Kano, believe in.
