A tight race: The man of steel could help steal the election.
With John McCain assured the Republican party’s nomination for President, it’s time for him to focus on selecting a running mate. Ideally, the Senator wants someone with a broad appeal; a candidate who compensates for any of McCain’s shortcomings or weaknesses. Here are a few favorable options:
Dean Cain. Barack Obama can’t coast on his looks anymore with this pretty boy around. Cain matches up well with Obama, boasting youth and an Ivy League education, plus about as much face time on TV. portraying the iconic American superhero. McCain can claim Cain is his nephew and the public would buy it. If Cain is willing to don the spandex suit again, he’ll sweep the single women’s vote, as well as the questioning their sexual identity men’s vote.
A reminder to hang tough and not lose your shirt.
John McClane. An expert on fighting and successfully defeating terrorists. A tireless worker who doesn’t take holidays off. Even Howard Dean will take notice, when McClane punctuates every speech with “Yippie-ki-yay, motherfucker!”
They really do go with everything – including a Presidential victory.
McCain foods. What’s more All-American than a frozen bag of freedom fries? A salty food for a salt-of-the-Earth candidate. Could help McCain “ketchup” in the polls (just don’t mention Heinz). Also, potatoes are an excellent source of starch.
The magic eight ball: a much better predictor of the future than public opinion polls.
A cane. Will provide sturdy support, literally. McCain might walk away with a win- and do it in style. If properly decorated, could attract the coveted pimp vote.
Check yourself: McMahon embodies economic stimulus.
Ed McMahon. Will ensure senior vote, including all of Florida, Arizona. Has been comfotable in sidekick role before. Can run under slogan: Hey publishers (of media), we’re clearing (the white) house! Gives people hope and sense that economy is on the upswing when telling them they may already be a million dollar winner. Won’t hesitate to laugh at scripted, poorly-delivered and cheesey jokes. Will warmly introduce McCain before appearances by saying, “Heeeeeeeeeeer’s Johnny!”
