Can we all agree that popping your collar is douchey? It’s essentially the “high class” mullet, as if to say “I’m completely unaware of how fucking ridiculous this is.” I’m just waiting for the day they start creating “pre-popped” collars, followed by a series of popped collars, each douchier than the last, like how there was a double razor, followed by the mach3, then then quattro, etc.. Perhaps I’ve inspired a douchey coporation towards evil just now.
Now, before you say “wait a minute, it looks good on me!” stop yourself. Go to hotchickswithdouchebags.com and count how many guys (who actually have a shirt on) have popped collars. Notice a trend?
That being said, there have been exceptions to the rule, notably 3 dudes in history able to pull off the popped collar:
For starters, it was set in the 50′s and 60′s when doucheyness had not fully been realized (note: doucheyness was not invented but has always existed, like mathematics or Oprah; It simply needed classification). Second, do you honestly think you can rock harder than the Fonz? Do you honestly believe you could walk around today in a leather jacket, sticking your thumbs up and saying “heeey” after every word? If you do, you might be a douche. Note, I’ve just thrown up in my mouth a little after half-referencing Jeff Foxworthy. Moving on…
The man is called “The King” for a fucking reason. That’s cause he can pull off ridiculous shit and everyone just agrees that it’s awesome. His hips had to be hidden on television because they thought women would be driven mad by it. Bacon, banana and peanut butter on a sandwich? Watching four tv’s at the same time? Rhinesstones!? He made rhinestones cool! Pull out your “Bedazzler”, decorate a jacket and walk down the street. If you don’t get laughed at within 10 minutes, you win.
I’ve actually had to go into the “theoretical” here to think of a third person who is able to consistently rock popped collars (Yes, Dracula is not real, unlike zombies which are a constant threat). Of course we’d all want cool ass powers (turning into bats, flying, seducing chicks by looking at them). That being said, das vampir is still a little off, and you know it. Usual MO includes sleeping in coffins and hanging out with deformities like Igor (props to equal hiring though).
Let’s not forget some of the dudes who’ve played Dracula in movies over the years:
Bela Lugosi, Christopher Lee, Frank Langella and Gary Oldman, some of the weirdest fucking dudes on screen. Could you possible hold a 5 minute conversation with Gary Oldman and not think “this dude is creeping me the fuck out”. You can’t, it’s not possible. Remember, popped collars = creepy.
Tags: douche