Putting the ‘high’ in “high school,” a math teacher in Illinois was busted for smoking pot on the job. The habit explained her fascination with imaginary numbers.
XXX-Men: A woman in Virginia who bought what was supposed to be a cartoon superhero movie at Target for her son, wound up with a gay porn movie instead. She should’ve been tipped off by the title, “The Fantastic Foursome.”
Finally, Applebee’s lives up to its name: A large cloud of bees flew in front of a Florida restaurant, causing patrons to flee. A waitress came over to serve the swarm, asking, “Whaddaya want, honey?”
He’s on cloud nine: The hunt for a Brazilian priest who vanished into the sky after strapping 1,000 balloons to himself (probably not the best way to get to Heaven) was called off after four days. Authorities didn’t want to get carried away searching for him.
Hour mistake: Watch maker Romain Jerome is selling 300K piece that’s truly timeless – it can only tell the wearer whether it’s day or night. The initial batch sold out in 48 hours, so evidently buyers aren’t giving the watch’s limitations a second thought.
Mine over matter: A man in Allentown, Pa. Survived a 500-foot fall into a strip mine. When questioned about the tumble, the man asked that the subject be dropped.
No monkey business: Yoko Ono is suing the producers of Ben Stein’s pro-creationist documentary, which uses John Lennon’s song “Imagine” without her permission. Ono hopes to “Win Ben Stein’s Money.”
Prisoner 57: Wesley Snipes has been sentenced to 3 years in jail for tax evasion – one for every “Blade” movie.
Fur sure: Shakira and Pamela Anderson were both in D.C. Speaking on behalf of animal rights group PETA. They thought the organization’s letters stood for “People for the Ethical Treatment of Airheads.”
Jim Beamed: Amy Winehouse was jailed for headbutting a man outside a London bar. The man said his noggin hurt worse after listening to her music than the blow to the melon.
Bomb’s away: A World War II bomb that was scheduled to be detonated at sea after it turned up on British shores has gone missing. It’s probably washed up on eBay.
Liquid Crystal Deceit: A Missouri man tried to switch the price tag of an LCD TV and a bottle of water at a Wal-Mart and claim the set cost $3.16. Authorities have labeled him an “aqua fienda.”
Never bean done: Oklahoma City mayor Mick Cornett has partnered with Taco Bell to convince the city’s residents to lose 1 million pounds this year. The fast food chain has promised to help people with their crunches.