Allow us to upbraid the NFL’s consideration of a new tuck rule that would force players with long hair to harbor it inside their helmets. Perhaps the league should focus less on the players’ locks and more on preventing players from getting locked up. Mark our words, if the NFL implements such a policy, they will come to dread the decision.
Bush league: President Bush is slated to throw out the first pitch at the Washington Nationals game tonight. Chances are it’ll sink to the ground faster than the economy. Dick Cheney volunteered to be the catcher — he was very concerned about protecting home.
Carr troubles: Departing Michigan offensive lineman Justin Boren voiced an offensive line of his own about the football team, remarking that without former coach Lloyd Carr, “family values have eroded.” Minus Carr, Boren has lost his drive.
Ahead of the curves: No Red Sox would’ve been more delighted if the team’s threatened boycott of a trip to Japan had been successful than Caly Buchholz, since he’d have had more time to spend with his pet — Penthouse Pet of the Year Erica Ellyson. Buchholz was previously involved with a Victoria Secret model. Seems like Clay’s the one doing the molding.
Triple threat: Doing some long-range thinking, the NCAA will move the 3-point line back one foot next season. Announcers have already adjusted the expression “from downtown” to “from the suburbs.”
Because there’s nothing else to do in that one-horse town: 115,300 people saw Boston face L.A. Saturday, a world record for attendance at a baseball game. Guess none of the Dodgers were crowd dodgers.
Next time, pass: Greg Oden is in trouble — for playing basketball. So excited to return to the court after an injury that caused him to miss all of his rookie year, Oden participated in a pickup game, unbeknownst to his team, who reprimanded him for it. They’d much prefer he devout his free time to getting into altercations outside nightclubs or recording a rap album, you know, more traditional hobbies for NBA players.
Monkey business: LeBron James’ forthcoming Vogue cover, in which he is showing baring his teeth and grabbing Gisele Bundchen by the waist, depicts him as ape-like and reinforces racial stereotypes, according to critics. LeBron was pleased with the shot, adding that he’d changed his nickname from “King James” to “King Kong James.”
Sew what: After receiving a gash during a collision Friday, Memphis’s Derrick Rose was told by team staff he needed stitches. Rose, who doesn’t like being pricked, refused and ran out of the locker room. According to his mother, Rose has always feared needles and it’s still a thorny issue.
