A Chinese woman is accused of setting fire to 400 cellphones after her husband decided to desert her. Vengeance was the Cingular thought on her mind.
Into Thin Air: Supermodel Waris Dirie has resurfaced after a three-day disappearance. The cause? She simply turned sideways and vanished.
Blowing smoke: Bill Clinton, campaigning for his wife, admitted that a joint ticket of her and Barack Obama would be unstoppable. He quickly added that he would not inhale such a joint.
Extreme measure: President Bush vetoed a bill banning waterboarding, on the grounds that he thinks Americans would completely dominate it at the next summer Olympics.
The Too Far Side: Afghans packed a sports stadium to protest the reprinting of a Danish from two years ago making fun of Mohammed. It still doesn’t compare to the riots when the national newspaper got rid of Ziggy.
Chew on this: Lisa Marie Presley is pregnant. We thought she was eating all those peanut butter and banana sandwiches to honor her father.
Much Ado About Nothing: Jerry Seinfeld dispelled rumors that he’s working on a new sitcom. Michael Richards and Jason Alexander beg him to reconsider.
Playing ketchup: President Bush and John McCain ate hot dogs at a White House lunch. Coincidentally, the accompanying french fries were McCain.
To serve and neglect: A group of police officers in Rockville, Maryland have failed to pay speeding tickets assessed to them, arguing that they don’t own the vehicles, so it’s the county who owes the money, which is a total cop out.
This bud’s for us: A Missouri lawmaker has proposed making Budweiser the state’s official beer. People didn’t really need another reason to less of Missouri, did they? What a Busch league idea.
