God is incredibly disarming. According to televangelist and crackpot Pat Robertson, prayer prevented the nuclear attack he had predicted for ’07. New slogan to acquire urban evangelicals: worship is da anti-bomb! The modern-day Nostra-damn-us continued to do the Lord’s guesswork when he said God revealed to him who would win the presidency.
Though he’s tight with the savior (we wonder how the man upstairs communicates with Robertson–Gmail? via Blackberry? Do they meet at Starbucks and discuss humanity’s fate over chai?), Robertson apparently fears the wrath of Andy Rooney, saying, “He [God] told me some things about the election, but I’m not going to say because some old man on ’60 Minutes’ would make fun of me, so I’m not going to tell you who the winner’s going to be.” It could be that Robertson is resentful of Rooney because the cantankerous commentator is a senior with airtime who still has his wits about him.
It’s a bull(shit) market: Robertson also forecast a stock market crash sometime in the next three years (idea: he could start a network that mixes crazy Christianity with broad business projections and call it See-Span), which we’re sure no one on Wall Street is putting much, er, stock in.
